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Modern Women ages 18-25... WTF!?
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Post Modern Women ages 18-25... WTF!? 

All I can say is what the hell?!

Here's my story. I had a girlfriend for 6 months things were going so well, I never thought Id meet someone that just clicked this well. She agreed. She said she cared and I got a little scared. I decided to break things off because she said she didnt want to be in a traditional relationship, she wanted to date around. I couldnt take that. She told me she wasnt dating anyone else and she liked me alot and not to worry.

Suddenly a month of no calling. I come to find out she started a relationship, a traditional one with a rich guy. Apparently he's very flamboyant and is quite the fugly, but since he bought her crap loads of sh*t right off the bat she's happy. Seems like girls in my age bracket want to date assholes, maybe its just my local area but Ive hit the age where I want to put something together for a marriage. Seems like the only women Ive talked to that want what I want and are tired of the games are 30+ and they dont want to date a guy my age because Im not interested in the same things. Its madness... I go at relationships with an honesty policy, I dont get hints. Strong or subtle so I like to be honest. Honesty to me has been the foundation for happiness but I keep getting the run around. Im beside myself, Im not looking for a whore of a woman or one that wants to lie and run off.

End of point. In Chicago a good woman is hard to come by...

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Dear AlleyCat,
You may be precipitating your own "madness" by the way in which your expectations can create limitations in what you will allow yourself to discover. If you experienced such a deeply resonant dance for six months, that suggests that you probably have the capacity and the qualities that would allow you to find deep intimacy again, perhaps quite "easily," if you open what psychologists call your "Reticular Activating System."

So, what does that mean? The reticular activating system (RAS) is the name given to part of the brain (important in regulating consciousness or wakefulness) believed to be the centre of arousal and motivation in animals (including humans). Within the RAS are various cognitive forms that enable perception and recognition of various things that we’re interested in or actively curious about. When these predispositions to see and recognize specific things are “turned on” and activated within us, then we can easily “find” these things in our reality. They’re probably everywhere, but until our interest was aroused, we never noticed. By turning on these forms within our psyche, it’s also possible to “attract” those we are interested in quit easily. That would be the art of the game.

Here are two gentle suggestions. 1) Learn more about "What is a woman" within her psyche and learn to love her for what she is, not for what YOU want, and 2) explore the possibility that you are limiting your true potential with a woman by holding projections and assumptions that are from an earlier, immature period of your life, thereby limiting what you're able to recognize as beautiful, wonderful, and valuable in a woman. Your assumptions about age, and older women also may not serve you well. Older women may have much to teach you, if you're mature enough and open enough to be worthy of such teachers.

I wish you all the best in your quest for love. And I would be happy to offer some "maps" for appreciating more deeply the domains of Life, Love and Women, (from a reliable perspective of yoga and meditation) if you would be interested.

Blessings for your path as an artist, also.


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Post Cheshirealleycat, Krishna has a good point 


Krishna wrote, in response to your post: "Learn more about 'What is a woman' within her psyche and learn to love her for what she is, not for what YOU want, and 2) explore the possibility that you are limiting your true potential with a woman by holding projections and assumptions ..."

I think he makes a great point there. All of our lovers are our teachers, I believe; they are a reflection of our own selves, all that anima and animus stuff. If you can use your disappointing experiences with these women as tools for self-growth, then you will attract a higher quality partner each time. And if you really can learn to love us women for who we are (and yes, we older women really are awright), you will elicit that kind of treatment in kind.

There ARE women there who want to love you for you and not your wallet.

Did you ever see a movie a few years ago called "Don Juan de Marcos?"

Dude, Learn about us; learn about our rhythms and our natures and our "moon centers," and our emotions. Do this, and you will draw to yourself quality, spiritual, toothsome and even wholesome women into your life.

Krishna might be able to recommend some websites or materials that address what I am talking about above.

Hang in there; we're all right and we want to want you. gaia

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Wow, that's a crap-ton of pyschobabble...

First of all, as an 18-25 male who lived in Chicago, I could see how Aurora women might be different...

I agree that we all have to erase whatever preconceptions of what a possible mate SHOULD be, but I was told once that if you truly want to find a great and lasting relationship, you should build solid friendships with a lot of women. Then, one of them might blossom into a truly great relationship or marriage, and if not, you'll understand women much better. Same wise person told me that you should always marry for friendship and never love, and darn it, I think she was right. Movies and TV and magazines and the whole mess that we call the "dating scene" have absolutely nothing on people who had a solid friendship first.

I don't really know if this helps you in your situation any, but I think it might be more practical and historically-proven than understanding moon centers or reticular activating systems (pardon my skepticism), but I think you need to forget that games even exist, forget about what the movies say about dating, forget that you think all women like jerks, just forget all of that junk. Just try and form real friendships with women, and I can almost guaruntee you that if you make yourself a real, true friend to enough women, eventually either one of them will want to have something more with you or they will set with you up with a friend of theirs who does.

Maybe I'm just a dummy, or maybe I wrote a lot of that for myself, but I wish you the best.

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jchagan I believe that's the most legitimate thing Ive heard sofar.

Sorry ladies but Im just not seeing moon cycles... Im a spiritualist but at the end of the day if I start talking like that Im gonna be put in the possibly gay catagory, Ive been there before...

I used to live in chicago for college and may move back, the city is very fast paced and it seemed like one night stands were my favor at the time as they were easy and abundant. As far as friendships went, I had alot of female friends and still do. Seems like when I land in that boat I get, I love you as a friend. I want someone just like you just not you. Like I said before Im no ogre... I dunno. Could honestly bad karma for all the random hit it and quit it logics from the past.

My friends like to say, I know how to get women I just dont know how to keep em. Or I pick one that's just not right and I get annoyed and ditch her. I think when I meet someone I really like or actually respect I have a tendancy to try waaay too hard. Call me an ass but learning what women want doesnt really sound like something I need to do or bother with, different women want different things. There inlied the problem in the past I would know what a girl wanted generally with in a 5min conversation and mold myself to that. I think what I need to figure out is what I want and find someone who wants the same thing. That what women want retoric is just bs in my book, why should I give someone what they want? If you went along with the same goals Id assume your relationship would last longer. My friends know what women want then lie, that creates a pretty long aggravating relationship. My step brother finds what women want then gives till he's cashed out financially and spiritually. In the end I think Im just bitter... I want a bitter goth chick. LOL Its what I had before and it worked... Time to find someone who'll help me salt the earth.

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Yeah right, guys. Balls are a wonderful thing aren't they? But if you don't truly understand the differences between Jack and Jackie, you're both going to end up, over and over, jerking off for the rest of your lives.

You could wake up, grow a right brain like your girlfriends have had forever, and see what they saw when they dumped you. It isn't psycho-babble. It's just a language you haven't learned. In fact, it's the house language and in the gambling den of life, the House always wins. Best of luck to you.


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